My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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