Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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