On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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