Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
