I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
