If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
