Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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