I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
