Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
