onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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