I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
