i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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