I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
