Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
