just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
