Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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