Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
