i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
