i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
