my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
