i just wanna soil my oats bro
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize