the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
