My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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