Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
