you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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