i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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