Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
