besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
