whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
