when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
