Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The Olympian is in my bed
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize