Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
