Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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