Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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