It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
