If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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