Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
