she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize