Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
