Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
