I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize