So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
