Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
