Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
