I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
