I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
this will be a night to untag.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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