dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
