hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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