Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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