But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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