Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
