the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
