so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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