i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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