How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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