Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
