i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
