ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
