He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize