i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
