I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The best revenge is premature balding
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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