Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
