go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
