I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
