the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
