Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
