Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
