508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
