Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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