So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
