Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
