I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
