Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize