Your face is a jimmy john
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
