This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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