Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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