I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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