So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I could fuck to npr.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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