Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
