I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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