We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
