Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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