Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
