Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
