I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
