If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
