I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
