i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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