i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
