while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
