Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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