from now on my penis is your penis
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Come on in and take your pants off
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