I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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