hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
