i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You left your phone here
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