i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
