he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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