i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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