end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
