fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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