i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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